hell...zzZz

im searching badly for a word to describe my mood for this few days....~~
and finally, i found it... ! -- > HELL
complicated emotion + complicated mood + complicated status
all in one and it is called as HELL =="
my P.G attitude relapse again...
SH*T .. why... i can't control it...
for a thousand millions of times, i hope i can overcome it and become an ANTI-P.G ..
but why every time i've tried my best to overcome it and the result i got is --> failed..
sighed**~~"
perhaps ahboy is right... gals think too much in this kind of circumstance... =="
mr.A is still the best for me... but it was just like what suli said, i didn't do research b4 i started my action...i look up myself so much...zZZz..
and thus,
i've failed the mission n it brought all my passions and moods down when i figure out the hidden truth..
those passions disappear jz like --> ding* !
i hate my fake smiles, my fake gags and my fake face....!
im fake and sham... i hate it so much! but what to do?.. i also donno =="

HELL... really HELL ! .. =="
Lord... don be so mean to me pls
show me the way back to the origin